Bringing Home a New Human Puppy

by Master Dan and pup loki

There have been some great articles so far on what is pup play and what are the types of pups/dogs.  The question I get the most, however, is “how do I get started?”  I can only answer that question from personal experience, so a bit of information about me.  I’m relatively new to participation in the BDSM world, though I’ve been a voyeur at numerous leather/fetish cons for years.  I’ve seen a few pups at those events, and always enjoyed the sight, but it wasn’t until I spied a rubber pup hood at my local leather store that I really started getting into it myself.  Looking at this piece of gear, I just knew that it was right.

As loki’s Handler I can only tell you that had you asked me a year ago whether or not I understood pup play, it would have been a pretty vocal and vehement “no” in response.  But, like my interest in all the various elements of our pansexual leather and BDSM world, I wasn’t naive and I admit curiosity.  I’d actually at that point starting writing some on-line erotic fiction and one story had included a couple of chapters of forced puppy play.  I look back on those chapter with some horror these days when I recognize how wrong I was about all of it. 

After buying that hood I read everything I could find on the web about pup play, and realized more and more it was something I needed, not just wanted to try.  The problem I faced is the same that many new pups do – how to find a Handler who could help me explore this new facet of myself.  The usual of the profile sites offered up a few choices of people who were supposedly into it, but no one local.  I was able to find and chat with a couple of other pups, though, in some chat rooms and began to get a feel for how pups could interact with each other.I still remember the day this charming young man sent me a polite e-mail on Recon telling me he liked many of the photos on my profile and expressing his desire to experience some of those situations.  Well, I’m a sucker for polite and was happy to invite him over for a taste of bondage play.  And play we did.  We both know the real turning point was the very first time I whispered “good boy” in his ear.  It seemed the weight of the world was lifted from his shoulders, the outside world of work and responsibilities melted away, and for one of the first times of his life he was in the “here and now” of sexuality.I continued my tentative steps into the BDSM world, and agreed to meet a Top for some bondage experimenting without raising the issue of pup play.  It was only on the second visit with Him that I shyly showed Him my pup hood and asked if I could wear that when He tied me up again.  That moment was when our relationship began to change.  He had never expressed an interest in pup play, and He confided later to me that He didn’t really understand my desires.  He enjoyed playing with me, however, and so He was willing to humor me and try a few things out.  A few things have turned into a wonderful Handler/pup relationship, and I’m always grateful to Him for His willingness to step outside His own comfort zone.

No arguments about the hood and its effectiveness, but for Me the real moment “pupspace” begins is with the click of lock on his chain collar.  For Me it’s the trigger that signals ownership is NOW, that the outside world is gone, and that for whatever time we will have together I will protect, nurture, teach, and love him.

How did we get here, though?

1.  Be honest in the desire to explore pup play.  Whether you come at this as a Handler looking for a pup of your own or a pup looking for someone to hold your leash, you won’t find that without expressing that desire.  I know that sounds simplistic, but if I can impart one lesson, it’s that the lack of “pup play” in an online profile doesn’t mean they won’t be willing to try.  If this is important to you, ask your potential playmates about it.  You might be surprised.

I’m grateful for loki’s honesty in expressing his needs.  I remind every man, boy, and pup I play with that I’m not psychic about his needs and desires.  I don’t think I’ve ever laughed at someones deep, dark desires.  I haven’t always decided to participate in them, although many times I’ve been intrigued by what it is that turns them on and been happy to give it a whirl.  I recognize that telling another man your fantasy or your deep sexual needs can be very difficult, but “nothing ventured nothing gained!”

2.  Use the online resources to chat with other pups/Handlers.  Even if you can’t meet up in person, it’s a very small world and most pups are MORE than happy to talk about their experiences and what it means to be a pup.

loki and I are both exceptionally grateful to bootbrushpup (bootbrushpup.blogspot.com) for exceptional support and his beautiful writing and insights.  he has never once judged us, only offering his huge heart in support, and his wise thoughts as guideposts.

3.  Have patience, and don’t expect perfection.  My Handler and I were both coming at this pretty cold.  We read everything we could get our hands on, talked to pups and Handlers around the world, and got lots of great advice.  In the end, though, we had to find our own way.  It was often only after a scene was over that we could analyze what worked and what didn’t for getting me into the right headspace and keeping me there.  We had some missteps along the way in figuring out the right triggers.  My rubber hood was always a great starting point, for example, but sometimes trying to take a plug-tail just turned into an uncomfortable distraction.  Finding that one piece of gear – the hood, for me – that feels “right” for pup play can help immensely as a trigger for getting into the headspace. I could be wearing anything else, but when my Handler took out that hood and put it on me, I instantly started shifting to pup.  Not every time you try and have a pup play scene will it turn out to offer that great sense of relief and satisfaction, but that’s to be expected while one or both players are learning.

LOL.  Thankfully we’ve never filmed one of our Handler/pup sessions.  We’ve stumbled, failed and had extremely silly moments as we’ve found our way through this.  loki has been as patient with Me as any Handler could hope for.  And our little “feedback” sessions after each play session have meant our learning curve has been something we both can take pride in.

4.  Experiment.  This is a corollary to #3.  We’ve learned over many months of play that some BDSM activities and some sex acts work with our pup play and some others don’t.  This is going to vary a lot, and will have different dynamics even for the same pup playing with different Handlers (or vice versa).  Different things, whether they be activities, or attitudes, or gear, are likely to prove to be interesting triggers.  Just having a bowl of water on the floor for the pup can be a huge help in slipping further into pupspace.  Try different activities like tug of war, fetch, physical affection, and naps to see what works for Handler and pup – this is supposed to be fun for both, after all!  Try different clothing, be it rubber, leather, spandex, or naked – I’ve seen happy pups in jeans with a hole poked in the back for a tail.  As far as attitudes go, some pups go for humiliation, or strict discipline.  For me, as pup I crave my Handler’s praise.  When I’m in pupspace, I will do most anything to hear Him tell me what a good boy I am.  That leads straight into… 

After maybe our 3rd or 4th time in pup mode I asked loki if My babbling phrases like “good pup” were getting annoying or overdone to him.  His response was “you can never say it enough.”  Which means in the last year I’ve probably called him “good boy” at least 30,000 times.  “Handsome pup” comes in 2nd at about 25,000 times.  And I’ve meant it every single time.

5.  Control.  It’s important for the Handler to set the pace and tone of the scene.  They also need to consider that the pup may well do things that they wouldn’t normally do to please Them, and this can cause some stress/regrets when the pup comes out of that headspace.  Speaking from personal experience, I’ve been known to push my own physical limits to stay down on all fours in the space too long, and spent a few days after it having to ice my back.  New pups, especially, need some structure to help shape their interactions and that includes knowing when to call a halt and start bringing the pup back up.  Discipline and rule-setting by the Handler is not being mean, it’s important part of the headspace.  Being a pup is a power exchange activitiy just as much as submitting to bondage or a flogging, and part of the pup psychology is giving up control to the Handler to be “in the moment.”  The pup’s energy may help drive the activities, but ultimately, the Handler has to be the one making decisions.

I would probably drive other Handlers/Trainers/Owners crazy with how bad a disciplinarian I am.  I can see an intervention from Cesar Milan in my future.   LOL.  Several months ago loki blogged about how he was thrown a bit because every time I greeted him at the door I had a huge grin on my face.  It is so easy to fall into the stereotypes of BDSM where hooded tops whip screaming boys into submission, complete with flickering leather-scented candles and buttboy music in the background.  But this just doesn’t seem, to ME, to be a part of the pup world.  loki has never brought me anything but joy.  he lifts my heart.  And sure, just like any pup with great big beautiful eyes and a pure soul, he’s got Me wrapped around his finger.

6.  Relax.  At some point in all of this, either the pup or the Handler (more likely both) is probably going to have a moment where they’re thinking how ridiculous this all is.  When you think about it logically, a lot of leather/BDSM activities are going to seem kind of strange. Even so, putting someone on all fours to chase a rubber squeaky toy across the floor while wagging their butt plug tail ranks pretty high on the silly scale.  At that point, the best advice I can think of is the old cliche that tells you to “dance like nobody’s watching.”  Are you both having fun?  Then don’t worry about it being silly.  If someone else is watching us, at a public play party for example, and starts laughing, I consider it a job well done.  Pup energy, to me, is a broadcast of cheerfulness.  Ideally, I want my pup play to bring out the same reaction most people get watching real puppies. at their carefree play – simple joy at the energy they send out into the world.  Just by watching them you feel re-energized and joyful by the way they have no cares in the world.  They’re not just feeding on/off each other, they’re giving out to the world in general and absorbing some of your joy in watching.

“Having a pup?  Owning a pup?  Training a pup?”  I used to stumble a bit on the words.  Introducing loki as “My pup” has gotten much easier and I actually enjoy seeing that “look” in people’s eyes, the same “look” I had a year ago.  I love sitting back and just watching him play, and watching them watch him play.  loki can make anybody smile and lift their spirits, just like any biological pup makes the world a better place.  I am so proud of him how could I do anything but grin in his presence!      

As a polyamorous family (hubby and I have been together for 25 years, and have had our pup for 1 year) we’ve juggled a whole lot of issues.  Honesty has been the bedrock of our relationship.  Communication gets easier and simpler as we grow.  There are fewer and fewer hurdles and the rewards have been beyond My wildest imagination.

Hopefully these thoughts bring you a little of that joy as well.  WOOF!

Master Dan is a 30 year veteran of the leather, rubber, kink, and BDSM worlds.  He is a blogger, a writer of erotic fiction, and a proud pup-Handler.  He and his primary life-partner just celebrated their 25th anniversary.

loki is the collared pup of Master Dan and lives in Atlanta, GA.  He is a relative newcomer to the pup world, but has dived in with enthusiasm, participating in a pup demo at Spring in the South and volunteering in the local leather community. He is always happy to chat with other pups/Handlers, and is most easily reached by IM to atlloki on Yahoo or through his fetlife profile, lokipup.

Original post found Here —-> http://www.leatherati.com/leatherati_issues/2011/05/bringing-home-a-new-puppy.html